MIND GAMES

Healing From Domestic and Sexual Abuse

Mind Games are deliberate attempts to psychologically manipulate someone. They are covert, coercive, manipulative intentions masked by innocent sounding communication. Mind Game language is designed to confuse and keep the victim from guessing the perpetrator’s true aim.

Some of the Mind Games men use to psychologically confuse female partners include blocking her from clarifying his mixed messages, questioning all her judgments, and manipulating her by responding with lies. Mind Games are an attempt to indoctrinate someone into believing they are the guilty party and their viewpoints are irrelevant or pathetic, and need to be realigned to the viewpoint of the perpetrator.

Mind Games are especially powerful when the victim totally trusts the perpetrator and believes both their roles in the relationship are well defined and socially ‘normal’.

Mind Games entail brainwashing
Confusion and crazy-making
Guilt trips
Questions all her judgments
Manipulates with lies
If she withdraws he punishes her, if she reaches out he rejects her
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t
Behaves differently when people visit
Mind Games are abuse
Mind Games are a warning sign that you are being abused and controlled
Compassionate View
tumblr_npimlavQ6D1u1vltdo1_500

Mind Games entail brainwashing – a notion that we usually associate with cults or terrorist hostage tactics. But, the truth is, brainwashing is happening in your neighbourhood right now. Ordinary men brainwash their partners when they say one thing and do another. For example when a man lectures her about his life philosophy of caring for others, but only enacts such caring towards others outside the family – not her. They brainwash their partner when they appeal to her instinct and desire to care for him by saying, “If you really love me you’d do what I want”. This gets confusing when you love and trust your partner. But he is slowly – one tactic at a time – oppressing and controlling. It’s insidious – and it can take years to see, and to realise this is a pattern.

Women’s efforts to make sense of mixed messages are often blocked by their partners which is incredibly stressful, anxiety-provoking and can lead some women to experience disrupted sleeps, and illness – physical, psychological and spiritual. Brainwashing, guilt trips and confusion lead to exhaustion, which can make women more susceptible to believing some of the denigrating and manipulative language their partners use against them. Some women are led to identify more and more with the abuser, whilst others are able to maintain morsels of a sense of themselves – of their own thoughts and beliefs.

Women I interviewed for my Masters research, and women I work with in counselling, talk about experiences of emotional blackmail, manipulation, guilt, feeling fearful and feeling mind-numbingly-crazy.

Confusion and crazy-making

Elizabeth said that because she could not “prove that stuff” that her ex-husband did and said to her that now – years later – she still has “this thing, about whether people believe me”.

Victoria said, “The Mind Games leave you in doubt as to whether or not you’re actually being abused … you’re not quite sure anymore and they really start to cloud your judgment. Whereas if somebody hits you, you know you’ve been hit. The psychological abuse has made me pessimistic, untrusting, vulnerable and very strong now I’m at the other end of it. Also I feel there’s this big hole, this big deep cavern that will always be there that I have to work my damndest to walk around and never to fall back into because I know it’s always there because the behaviours have been so well learnt over the years.”

Pauline said, “I had a friend who I used to call a lot on the phone … I was so confused and I needed to talk to somebody to hear it out loud and to get some feedback. At one point I thought I was going quite crazy because he acted innocent. Like if I said, ‘What’s wrong?’ he acted like nothing’s wrong. He wouldn’t really say anything. So I’d think well maybe it’s me, it’s all my thinking, my perception.”

“And my friend who was calling lives in another town and it’s ages later when she was next at our place. And he was home on shift, outside working so I called him for lunch. We’d be sitting down to lunch and he wouldn’t come in. My friend [had previously] thought my husband was an absolute angel, she went to school with him, and she said to me, ‘All these months you talked to me on the phone about what he’s been like, I didn’t think you were lying, but I couldn’t see that’s how he would be, because that’s not him.’ But, she said, ‘Now I’m here today, I can see this is for real, it’s happening’.”

Guilt trips

The combination of tactics some men use to control their female partners lead many women to forgo and lose interests and wants of their own. To survive in the relationship many women continue doing only those things that keep the peace.

Victoria said, “I felt guilty about going onto the nursing course. I didn’t feel guilty at the beginning coz I thought it would be good. But then the more I did it, he’d start to do reactive behaviours like, he’d drop me off at work and then he’d go cruising the main street of the city we lived in. Then I felt guilty that maybe I’d pushed him too much or that I’d offended him, or that I’d damaged his ego because I was moving on and he wasn’t moving on. That was where the guilt came in, that I was making him feel less of a man and I must stop that.”

Questions all her judgments

Teresa said her partner often questioned her judgments about friends: “If I talked about something a friend was doing or had said or some problem that a friend had, if I was talking about it sympathetically he would try and turn it around so I wasn’t sympathetic and say “No, it’s probably this or probably that” and point out negative things about people that I liked to change my judgment of them and so I wouldn’t like them as much.”

Luckily, Teresa didn’t take any notice of what he said about her best friend. Instead she, “considered the things he said and then mentally dismissed them”.

But when he said things about other people Teresa, “would think Oh, I hadn’t thought of that, oh yes he’s probably right. He would also tell me that people had said things about me. People at work, that they had said that I was this, that I was that., horrible things, which I believed and I don’t know whether they had said them or not. I think that he probably twisted a lot of things like that and I believed him, so that would change my judgment.”

Manipulates with lies

Heather said her partner scared her, “how he would fabricate the truth all the time. I never knew what was truthful and what wasn’t. He told people, “I laid all those tiles,” but I’d seen with my own eyes that he hadn’t laid those tiles, I saw the tile man doing it. I said, “Look Luke you didn’t actually do those tiles.” He said, “I did.” I said, “You did a little bit over there where the man showed you coz you wanted to cut a tile. That’s lying.”

If she withdraws he punishes her, if she reaches out he rejects her

Sally said “my husband initiated sex 99% of the time.  He would insist that part of the problem we had sexually was that I didn’t initiate.  So occasionally I would initiate sex … and every time I initiated sex he just wasn’t himself, he just became kind of angry, kind of a hatred on his face … I don’t remember his words but they were something like how dare you initiate sex at this time, I am busy, I’m working, yet generally he was not busy or working.  I was so confused … one day it dawned on me.  I thought he doesn’t want me to initiate sex, but that’s not the issue.  He just wants to be in full control, no matter what.

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t

Victoria said she was not allowed to be independent, nor was she allowed to be dependent. If she didn’t agree with Graham, he would manipulate and twist things to make her doubt herself. She was not allowed to express feelings and, if she did, he said she was either overreacting or misinterpreting.

Behaves differently when people visit

Women share stories about ways their partners don’t carry out household, personal or parental responsibilities, but suddenly when visitors come to the house, their partner starts performing his responsibilities. Raewyn said that if she “wanted a break from the children he was either uncooperative or refused saying that she did nothing anyway. He sulked if he did not get his own way [yet] when friends came over he would suddenly start being a father.” Sally said that Dylan would often not work, but would “appear to be busy when visitors or guests came to stay”. Donna’s husband had trouble putting on his own boots, but she said that “one day Frank’s family were visiting and he bent down and put his own boots on and off in front of them.” Donna was devastated that she had been so used because she did not know he could manage himself.

Charming in public and abusive in private

Teresa said others told her she was misinterpreting things because Patrick was so charming to his colleagues. Elizabeth said her husband, David was charming in public but at home he stomped on Elizabeth’s budding creativity. Heather said that she’s still having trouble coming to grips with her own experience of abuse and control in private and his public utterance of words of love. She was further confused because of other people liking him and validating him.

Mind Games are abuse

Mind Games should not be taken lightly – they are abusive and they are controlling. Patrick attempted to impair Teresa’s judgments by hiding things and suggesting that she was going insane when she could not find them. Victoria said she had no name for her husband’s behaviours when she was in the midst of experiencing his power and control tactics. She said, “I didn’t really consider it abuse until I was deeply entrenched in the marriage. I just thought he was manipulative and I thought he was moody. But in the initial stages I didn’t know I was being abused. I thought he was playing Mind Games with me, but I never considered Mind Games to be abuse. If I had been aware that there was such a thing, then I would have seen it as abuse earlier.”

Mind Games are a warning sign that you are being abused and controlled

If you believe your partner is playing Mind Games, then seek help. If you feel you are going crazy, then you may be in a relationship with a partner who is controlling you. You have the right to seek help and to seek support and validation from people who believe in your judgment about what you are experiencing.

The compassionate view

We live in a society where the notion of being a man is written in a social script that all too often is distorted and suppresses a man’s natural humanity. Acts of dominance hide vulnerabilities and emotions, which results in some men remaining unaware of their underlying needs for love and care. In the distorted society myth it’s not regarded as manly to show feelings. Mind Games are part of this complex cover-up that hides the perpetrator’s real need and desire for human connection. Paradoxically, women often detect such insecurities in their partners whom they love, which can get in the way of women being able to name Mind Games as ABUSE. Until, and unless, the perpetrator is helped to develop empathy and a compassionate view, the victim must acknowledge there is harm being done and need to protect themselves from further harm.

Reference:

Murphy, Clare (2002) Women Coping with Psychological Abuse: Surviving in the Secret World of Male Partner Power and Control. Unpublished Masters thesis, University of Waikato, New Zealand.

What I’m Reading

If you're an avid reader like myself check out these e-books ...horizontal line one.5

NOTE:  These Kindle books are FREE as of right now...I can't guarantee they'll be free when you get there so double-check before you click BUY NOW.
horizontal line one.5
You DON'T need a kindle to read these books...you can
read them with a Kindle reader available for computers
and smart phones.  Details here.
 horizontal line one.5
Just Like You: 24 Interviews of Ordinary People Who've Achieved Extraordinary Success
http://amzn.to/1RUQUk8
horizontal line one.5
Experience Curating: How to Gain Focus, Increase Influence, and Simplify Your Life
http://amzn.to/1dyW3Ks
horizontal line one.5
Habit: How to Stop Bad Habits, Make Good Habits, Change Your Life, and Be Happy
http://amzn.to/1RUQSJ9
 horizontal line one.5
Life is Short And So Is This Book: Brief Thoughts On Making The Most Of Your Life
http://amzn.to/199Lbhn
horizontal line one.5
Remarkable You: Build a Personal Brand and Take Charge of Your Career
http://amzn.to/1WACLYC
 horizontal line one.5
Check back often as I uncover more great reads and deals!horizontal line one.5

Where are you

Getting Back on track takes 12 Steps

Where Are You

An omnipotent, all knowing, all seeing G*d asked a mortal man in a garden of forever; (3:10) And the Lord God called Adam and said to him, Adam, where are you?

“Adam, Where are you”, as this mortal man tried to hide himself from The Almighty.

Often ‘knowing’ where we are requires the use of a map or device to guide us when we go off track.

compass_vector_161297The thing with maps, and other devices is this: they only work when actively used.

A map at night is useless without some form of light; and a GPS needs a clear view of the sky, and charged batteries to work. A navigator needs to see the position of the sun and the moon and some stars to work out his position.

So too with the Steps; and in particular Step 4.

Step 4 has been my personal road map of growth. It’s review let’s me know when I am off course; in unchartered lands or in known charted and documented dangerous waters.

When I use it that is...

Like the time 14 years ago when I found myself snuggly encased in a motor vehicle being driven to Slander Island by a driver hell bent on educating his captivate audience on the merits and shortcomings of one who was not present.
The driver, who had much more time than me, began to list, in an anonymous way, the character defects of ‘this tall slim Dr., with a large office on Block Y, and two beautiful young female progeny, with the fat wife, and a practice at hospital Z ...
The driver never named the Dr. but I ‘knew’ who they were talking about.

Gossip and fallacious ruinous rumors were high on my 4th Step list back then, and still are when I care to get honest ... So knowing who I was, ‘then’, made it easier for me to exit that darkened cave for the soothing light of reason at the next intersection.

That was 14 years ago.

Yesterday I spent 2 hours on a phone call whose stated purpose was to ‘educate’ me on the benign dictatorship of a member of one of the groups I attend.

Yesterday I listened attentively and greedily to every sordid detail of this persons infidelity, stumbling attempts at control, bad child rearing skills, and grab for more power than any human aught to have.

I love gossip. Especially when it’s flavored by my essential greatness and it’s pointed out how much ‘better’ than the accused I really am.

Then my map fell out of the hidden compartment nestled behind my heart, SPLAT! Opening to Step 4 where I read gossipy, power hungry, malicious, grandiose, irritable, restless and discontent.

(3:11) And he said to Him, I heard Your voice as You walked in the garden, and I feared because I was naked and I hid myself.

I was hidden behind my fig leave of self-delusion, haughtiness, and schandenfreude - the delight in another’s misfortune.
The prideful canopy of grand verdure above my head prevented me from seeing the night sky and getting my bearings.
The batteries for my GPS were uncharged and dead. I was lost.

It took a night of introspection for I have learned that the diligent practice of the 10th Step every day reinforces that character defects quickly became damned obvious on a daily basis.

Where are You my friend, in your Recovery process?
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

This step has absolutely no connection with step #4. Note, in step #4, it calls for a searching and fearless Moral  inventory. This step calls for a personal  inventory. This step is our daily check on ourselves.

At night, after you are in bed and the day is over; review your day and pray.

Think about your day, what you have done, who you were with and what has transpired. If you find something that you are not proud of apologize. Do not permit these things to go unattended.

It is not the so-called “big” things which seriously affect the alcoholic in their new life, but the “little” things.

Diligent practice of the 10th every day reinforces that character defects quickly became damned obvious on a daily basis.

Admitting a wrong is difficult

We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime.

Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone.

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally.

That is the miracle of it.

We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.

To some extent we have become God-conscious. We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense.

AA Back to Basics Workshop

“Back to Basics – The Way It Was”

Journey through the Big Book’s 12 Steps in

Five WEEKLY One Hour Sessions

Join us in exploring a design for living through the 12 Steps.

A series of workshops based upon the work of AA pioneers in the 1940’s. Beginners were led through the 12 Steps – using those in the only book they had, i.e., the Big Book - in FOUR consecutive weeks. We do it in FIVE.  The pioneers found “The Solution” with all its promises (about 72 that we counted) and over 75% recovered back then.  Please pass this on; it may be a life changer.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When: 5 Tues eves:  March 1st thru March 29th, 2016

@ 7 PM – 8 PM.

Where: The Gibb Mansion, Brooklyn

218 Gates Avenue -1 blk. off Franklin off Classon Ave (Street Parking nearby – Shuttle, C, B25, B26, B48, Franklin Ave  B52, B44 Gates)

Note: Same place where Living With Gratitude Group meets.But on Tuesdays !

Bring:  The Big Book, a highlighter, a pen, an open mind and your own coffee, tea or ….

For more info > Melinda O (718- 753-2191) or Stewart B (347-735-6030)  – SB’s Email>stewart.brebnor@gmail.com

Q: What may happen as a result of this workshop series? …. A Miracle?

A: “The great fact is just this, and nothing less: That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows, and toward God’s universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves.” – Bill W. (B.B. p. 25, par.2)

10-7-2015 7-45-43 PM

HopesAlive Inc.

Therapeutic Theatre

Selection_774

Hopes Alive Inc. uses the power of artistic creations to reach the hearts and minds of the people, we believe that while a lecture and/or workshop is a great tool for awareness and prevention education; music, contemporary dance, mime, praise dance, reggae, rap and all other genres is a magnificent tool in reaching the citizenry and helping them to understand the consequences of negative behaviors.

Hopes Alive Inc. produces “The Phoenix Chronicles” Each one representing a social issue that most of us encounter. Through theatre performances we show the adversity and the spiritual journey that takes us to the other side.

Workshops on HIV and drug use prevention education through lecture interwoven with monologues, poetry, rap and reggae. An annual two hour educational production on social issues. (Props, lighting, tech. costume etc.)

The Adherence Step Program was inspired by the Twelve Step concept of Alcoholics Anonymous; and Narcotics Anonymous. It teaches a spiritual way of living that allows the individual to live one day at a time, one pill at a time. The program focuses on adherence; learning how to “stick too” a medicine regimen as well as all plans and decisions that one has made for change.

Hopes Alive, Inc. also conducts disclosure presentations. We believe that by conducting these presentations on living with HIV we put a face to HIV/AIDS which help young people to come face to face with the reality of HIV. These presentations also help the HIV positive individual to gain better acceptance and coping skills through disclosure. Hopes Alive, Inc. recruits only those who are well skilled in disclosure and who acquire a sense of fulfillment from conducting these presentations.

Health education conducted through theatrical performances.
Materials include basic HIV/AIDS 101 information and education on drug use prevention; performance materials include poetry like “The Drug War”, “Vampire Drug Dealer” and “Mr. Crack”. Monologue “The Killer” (the talking virus), “There are many people who are living with HIV”. Reggae “Marijuana” (taking a ride on the neighborhood slide), “Road Runner”, (the addict). Rap “What you do today, you will pay for it tomorrow”.

We conduct theatrical performances on drugs and alcohol; how it relates to manageability and how it relates to acquiring HIV/AIDS

Visit HopesAlive Inc for additional information

King Baby

His Majesty, the Baby

In this pamphlet, we learn to identify the infantile King Baby ego within us. Our Childish personality traits must be surrendered before our disease can be fully arrested. the compulsive King Baby personality can accelerate addiction or lead to relapse....
wayne_palacio
King babies share a wide range of personality traits. None of us has all these traits, but we will probably find many that describe us. King Babies may show these Characteristics.

  • Often become angry or afraid of authority figures and will attempt to work them against each other in order to get their own way
  • seek approval and frequently lose their own identities in the process
  • able to make good first impression but unable to follow through
  • have difficulty accepting personal criticism and become threatened and angry when criticized
  • have addictive personalities and are driven to extremes
  • are often immobilized by anger and frustration and are rarely satisfied
  • are usually lonely even when surrounded by people
  • are chronic complainers who blame others for what is wrong in their lives
  • feel unappreciated and think they don't fit
  • see the world as a jungle filled with selfish people who aren't there for them
  • see everything as a catastrophe, a life or death satiation
  • judge life in absolutes: black and white, right and wrong
  • live in the past, fearful of the future
  • have strong feeling of dependence and exaggerated fears of abandonment
  • fear failure and rejections and don't try new things that they might not do well
  • are obsessed with money and material things
  • dream big plans and schemes and have little ability to make them happen
  • cannot tolerate illness in themselves or others
  • prefer to charm superiors and intimidate subordinates
  • believe rules and laws are for others, not for themselves
  • often become addicted to excitement, life in the fast lane
  • hold emotional pain within and lose touch with their feelings

A King Baby copes with life's difficulties and trials by refusing to accept them and instead focuses on selfish needs and desires. He doesn't take responsibility for his actions and is always looking for the next reason to laugh and have fun — no matter what the expense.

A person with King Baby syndrome can be fun to be around for a period of time, but he is not able to be a good long-term friend because the moment somebody needs something from him, he looks for an escape. Many people who have King Baby syndrome have chemical dependencies and addictions to drugs and alcohol because of how they help them remove themselves from difficult or unpleasant situations.

It is difficult for a King Baby to move out of this role given the fact that he perceives so many advantages to not needing to worry about life. Those who enable a King Baby simply make it harder for him to want to become a productive adult.

 

 

Drug Addiction Treatment and Recovery

Substance Abuse Treatment, Recovery 101

Selection_323When you’re struggling with drug addiction, sobriety can seem like an impossible goal. But recovery is never out of reach, no matter how hopeless your situation seems. Change is possible with the right treatment and support, and by addressing the root cause of your addiction. Don’t give up—even if you’ve tried and failed before. The road to recovery often involves bumps, pitfalls, and setbacks. But by examining the problem and thinking about change, you’re already on your way.
Drug addiction treatment and recovery

1: Decide to make a change

For many people struggling with addiction, the biggest and toughest step toward recovery is the very first one: deciding to make a change. It’s normal to feel conflicted about giving up your drug of choice, even when you realize it’s causing problems in your life. Change is never easy—and committing to sobriety involves changing many things, including:

the way you deal with stress
who you allow in your life
what you do in your free time
how you think about yourself

You may wonder if you’re really ready for all that change or if you have what it takes to quit. It’s okay if you’re torn. Recovering from addiction is a long process, one that requires time, commitment, motivation, and support. As you contemplate your situation, the following tips can help you make the decision.
Thinking about change

Keep track of your drug use, including when and how much you use. This will give you a better sense of the role the addiction is playing in your life.
List the pros and cons of quitting, as well as the costs and benefits of continuing your drug abuse.

Preparing for change:

5 key steps to addiction recovery

Remind yourself of the reasons you want to change.
Think about your past attempts at quitting, if any. What worked? What didn’t?
Set specific, measurable goals, such as a quit date or limits on your drug use.
Remove reminders of your addiction from your home and workplace.
Tell friends and family that you’re quitting and ask for their support.

Drug addiction treatment and recovery

2: Explore your treatment options

Once you’ve made the decision to challenge your drug addiction, it’s time to explore your treatment choices. As you consider the options, keep the following in mind:

There’s no magic bullet or single treatment that works for everyone. When considering a program, remember that everyone’s needs are different. Drug addiction treatment should be customized to your unique problems and situation. It’s important that you find a program that feels right.
Treatment should address more than just your drug abuse. Addiction affects your whole life, including relationships, career, health, and psychological well-being. Treatment success depends on developing a new way of living and addressing the reasons why you turned to drugs in the first place. It may have been because of an inability to manage stress, in which case you’ll need to find healthy ways to handle stressful situations.

Read the rest of the article at HelpGuide.org

Source: Centre for Addiction and Mental Health

Authors: Melinda Smith, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D.

Last updated: February 2016.

When Addiction Has a White Face

Crack Hit America and Civilization Fell

White heroin addicts get overdose treatment, rehabilitation and reincorporation, a system that will be there for them again and again and again. Black drug users got jail cells and “Just Say No.”

Ekow N. Yankah is a professor at the Benjamin N. Cardozo School of Law at Yeshiva University.

 

When Addiction Has a White Face

 

 

The Power of Having An Accountability Partner

Running Buddies

The Power of Having An Accountability Partner

The idea of being held accountable by someone else so as to achieve your goals is not a new concept as most people who are truly successful always engage the services of an accountability partner. Such a partner takes the role of a mentor and a trusted confidant whom you can trust to provide guidance and the motivation required to forge ahead. They do not set goals for you but serves to assist you in achieving them.

To help you keep motivated and committed to your plans, it is recommended that you seek out a partner whose sole purpose is to keep you on the right path and provide you with support and wisdom you require along the journey. It can be a friend, relative or a co-worker. Find a person who can resonate with and whom you can learn from.

The Power of Having an Accountability Partner
zan_ing_kwa
The partner will help you when you are failing to reach your potential. They will tell you when you are resting too much and when you are lying to yourself. They will call you out and help you remain on your toes. They will act as test groups, sounding boards and gatekeepers that will keep asking you exactly where you stand with your goals.

Another benefit of having an accountability partner is that you become motivated towards achieving your goals. Willpower is an essential tool towards success. Unfortunately, it becomes fatigued, and once it does, it can no longer be reliable. A partner who is invested in you can help you raise your spirits and make the right choices to help you keep on course.

The person should also be able to confide their goals in you. Accountability should always be a reciprocal process. Even when it’s for different targets, you should offer similar benefits as they are providing to you. Learn about their goals, and be their accountability partner. These partners are an important resource in your path to improvement, and should, therefore, be treated with high levels of gratitude.

The partners are good for idea sharing, brainstorming and promoting creativity. They will come with different experiences, ideas and perspectives that will assist you in overcoming your challenges and obstacles. Being able to be creative and brainstorm with another person committed to helping you solve your problems is among the greatest benefit you will from your partner.

The bottom line is that if you are always struggling with succeeding in certain areas of your life, consider getting an accountability partner who can help you solve problems and overcome challenges.

Resisting Your temptations

How to manage your temptations

Resisting Your temptations

Temptations are part and parcel of our lives. None of us is a stranger to temptations. The difference is how every one of us responds to such live threatening challenges. In the life we are living today, it is much hard to live a life that is void of temptations. However, temptations differ based on situations, circumstances or environment you are in. Temptations only become sins only when you enter into it.

How do you resist temptations?

Avoiding dangerous and provocative situations

Needless to say, it is important to avoid challenging situations. If you have to avoid being tempted to do something, you must try as much as possible to keep off from situations, environment, or circumstances that can lead you to sins. For instance, it is dangerous for unmarried couples, of opposite sex, to stay together in one room. Though it is not a sin, they might be tempted to sin, making love and such. We are all human beings with feelings. If you are trying to stop taking alcohol, you must avoid going to clubs, bars or restaurant where alcohol is sold. Again, you must avoid flirting with other people if you do not want cheat on your partner.

Right company

The company that we have matters a lot. It can lead us to do evil without knowing. For instance, if you never want take drugs, you have to avoid the company of drug peddlers and users. Though you will try to be hard at the start of it all, the truth is that you will be tempted to taste and slowly by slowly you become a peddler. Therefore, you must choose your company wisely. Be in a group that will not lead you to temptations of doing what to do what you do not want at all.

Be occupied

When we are idle, we get ourselves doing things that we later come to regret. Therefore, if possible, ensure you are busy doing constructive things. A busy mind will not have room for crazy thinking.

Think and meditate on long-term consequences of your gratification.

When you want something, first try to think about the immediate or long-term consequences. For example, if you tempted to fall in love with a second partner, you need to think about the long-term repercussions. You will hurt you long term partner when he /she comes to know about it. You will damage the trust your partner has for you, and you may even lose the relationship for that temporary affair.

art